Healing

 Healing takes time and patience. It isn't easy to let go of your past especially when it haunts you.  There are days when I wake up feeling like I am still missing a part of me. There are days where I wonder what she is doing and if she is ok. But God tells me to let go of my past and to have courage to move on. God tells me to move forward forgiving myself for what I have done wrong. I am healing because I can admit my faults. I am healing because I have accepted my mistakes and am working hard in making sure I do not make them again. I am healing because I still love and believe in goodness. My message today is that in order to heal you must first forgive yourself. Love yourself for the broken and dark person you are and you will see your heart begin to heal.

Dating

Dating is so scary. I don't even know where to start. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever find someone again. I wonder if God is listening to my prayers of what I want. God I ask, " Are you listening because you have send me some very unusual dates." Date 1, tells me I am too good for her. Date 2, tells me that I am weak after spending many days talking about life and making a connection. Date 3, just wasn't interested in me. It is hard to not feel like I am being picked on. But I am not losing hope. I can hear God saying, " Trust me she is coming." My message to you is to have patience and faith. In the meanwhile, I will keep working on myself in becoming stronger. 

Amazing

 Life is full of moments. Moments that we have to cherish and live in. Regret often times creeps in when you start to think too much about life. What is life? Why are we in this world? All these questions are valid but what purpose do they serve. Maybe sometimes you need to not think and feel with your heart instead and live in a moment.  You are amazing but....I want something different. You did nothing wrong, you are amazing. Those are the words told to me by someone that I thought I could possibly build a connection with. Want to know what I think? I think that people are afraid of amazing. I think that people are afraid of humans like me who see the good in the evil, who feel passion without thinking, who believe that they have a purpose. How do you know that you don't want amazing in your life when you aren't willing to give it a chance. I guess that my advice for today is don't be afraid of amazing. 

Scared

 It has been a year. A year of growing and learning. A year of trying to figure out life.  I never thought that I would be here again. I never thought that I could possibly be connecting to other people. I never thought that I could erase your memory from my heart. I thought that this feeling of pain would last forever. I thought that I would be mourning your loss forever. I started dating and I am scared. Scared that I will have bad judgement.  I am scared of putting my light out there for someone else to see.  I am scared of being broken again. But this is life. Life is connecting with others souls and seeing which one will be brave enough, strong enough, and determined enough to stick around your broken self. This world is full of broken people and we are all just trying to feel loved.

Missing

 It has been 7 months since my breakup. 7 months of healing and learning to trust God and his choice for me. Every day that passes by I pray to God that he helps me to have peace in my heart. I pray that I wake up not feeling like something is missing. I’m learning to trust God and let him take control. For a person like me it’s been hard. It has been hard not understanding why. It has been hard telling my heart that it is going to be ok and that one day this feeling will go away. Yet, I hear his voice whisper in my year to let go of control and to let him do his job. So my message to you is it’s okay to miss someone but remember that God knows why and trust that he is doing what is right for you. 

Listen

Sometimes I wonder who is listening. I wonder if anyone is reading my story and saying to themselves yes I have faith that things will get better. It has been a long and hard journey but my heart is finally at peace because it is listening. My heart is listening to the voices that say I am amazing, I am a warrior, and I am good enough. One of those voices being God. So, my question to you is are you listening?

Battle

Every day seems like a battle zone. Especially with everything going on in life. It is so hard to believe that God is there for us when all we see around us is hate and crimes. You wonder where is the love? You wonder if God is even listening to your cries for help? You stay awake at night and think God do I have the strength to keep battling. The reality is that it is hard! It is hard to have faith. It is hard to keep fighting when you feel like life is crumbling to pieces. But something that I am learning is that maybe we lose one battle but God will not let you lose the war. Maybe someone broke your heart but he will heal it. Maybe someone made you feel like you weren't good enough, but God tells you that you are. I think that for me he is telling me that I am a warrior and to fight the battle with all my strength. I wasn't ready to be chosen by God but he choses his people because he knows we are strong and I truly believe that. So if you feel like me a chosen warrior keep praying, keep listening, and keep fighting things will get better even if it seems like life is complete crap and it is falling apart. Battle hard you can do this with God by your side.