Letting Go

 One of the hardest things to do is to let go. Letting go of someone or something you love. It is the worst feeling in the world. Feels like your heart is getting ripped into a million pieces but you need to learn when to say goodbye. You need to learn when it's time to finally give up and move forward even if it hurts with all your soul. I loved someone so much it broke me. I gave her opportunity after opportunity to show me that she cared about me but she showed me that she cared more about herself.  So now, it is time for me to learn to love myself as much as I loved her. You are the most important person to love. You are the most important person that you have to care for. People will come and go in your life but you will always be there for yourself. You have to let go of those that especially hurt you. To much pain causes you to lose your self-worth. It is so, so hard but essential to your healing. I  am in a journey of healing and learning that it is okay to to let go. So today, I did something. I went to a reiki healing session and  I let go of the pain and hurt feelings that I have. I cut the ties I had with the person that I so loved and focused that energy on myself so that I can truly move on. I pray you can do the same and that you know you are not alone in your healing journey.

Challenges

 How many challenges can God give you before you snap? How many obstacles can you face before you give up? I wish I knew the answer. Lately,  I have been feeling like God is picking on me.  The challenges he is making me face seem so difficult. I try to keep faith. I try to keep a smile on my face but the truth is I am struggling. Everyday it feels like I am drowning.  I am barely keeping my head over water and just when I think I am safe, bam another thing hits me and tries to drown me.  Yet, I continue to fight because I am a warrior. Warriors do not give up even when the battle gets hard. One day I know this all will be worth it.

Life

Life can be so hard. One day you feel strong the next day you just want to stay in bed all day and eat ice-cream and cry. I have those days where I just want to sleep my life away. I have days where I don't know anymore why I even fight. Life is hard. You have to make a choice. You stay in that bed day after day or you get up and you fight. Fight not for anyone else but for yourself. I get on the treadmill and I run. I run so fast that my heart feels like it's going to pop out of my chest. I run hoping and praying that the hardships end. I can give you all this one advice. Life is always going to be hard. Life is always going to throw things at you that suck ass. You however, are in charge of what you want for yourself. Do you want to eat ice-cream all day in bed and cry? or do you want to fight the best fight?

Human

 Emotions are part of being human. You can't help having them. Sometimes you try very hard to block them because you are scared. Scared of being hurt and scared of seeming like you're too emotional, too needy, too much. The truth is that emotions make us human without them we simply would be robots. I guess I rather feel too much and get hurt than to feel nothing at all. 

Chances

 Sometimes in life you take a chance. Something in your head tells you not to but your heart tells you do to it anyways. You take the chance and it doesn't work out. You're left with this feeling in your heart that feels like you should have just given up. But then you are reminded that this is life. Life is about chances. You will get heartbroken again and again and then one day, you will find that chance that was worth it. I choose to continue taking chances even though, I am scared. I choose to continue to taking chances until the right one finds its way to me. I am worthy and you are worthy of someone taking a chance on you like you take a chance on them. Everyone is this world has baggage that is hard to deal with. Everyone is a little broken. You just need to find that one broken person that is worth you taking a chance with. So, take a chance because you never know which one is worth it.

Time

 Healing takes time. It seems like just yesterday that I began my journey to loving me. There has been very hard days. Days where I do not want to get up from bed. There has been days where I wonder will I ever be happy again. I wonder how much time it will take for my heart to feel full again. Some days I wake up thinking today is the day that I will no longer grief. The truth is that I don't know how much time it will take to heal. But I do know that one day I will be happy again. I know that one day I will look back and see the purpose in pain. Time heals. 

Amazing

 Life is full of moments. Moments that we have to cherish and live in. Regret often times creeps in when you start to think too much about life. What is life? Why are we in this world? All these questions are valid but what purpose do they serve. Maybe sometimes you need to not think and feel with your heart instead and live in a moment.  You are amazing but....I want something different. You did nothing wrong, you are amazing. Those are the words told to me by someone that I thought I could possibly build a connection with. Want to know what I think? I think that people are afraid of amazing. I think that people are afraid of humans like me who see the good in the evil, who feel passion without thinking, who believe that they have a purpose. How do you know that you don't want amazing in your life when you aren't willing to give it a chance. I guess that my advice for today is don't be afraid of amazing. 

Scared

 It has been a year. A year of growing and learning. A year of trying to figure out life.  I never thought that I would be here again. I never thought that I could possibly be connecting to other people. I never thought that I could erase your memory from my heart. I thought that this feeling of pain would last forever. I thought that I would be mourning your loss forever. I started dating and I am scared. Scared that I will have bad judgement.  I am scared of putting my light out there for someone else to see.  I am scared of being broken again. But this is life. Life is connecting with others souls and seeing which one will be brave enough, strong enough, and determined enough to stick around your broken self. This world is full of broken people and we are all just trying to feel loved.