Letting Go

 One of the hardest things to do is to let go. Letting go of someone or something you love. It is the worst feeling in the world. Feels like your heart is getting ripped into a million pieces but you need to learn when to say goodbye. You need to learn when it's time to finally give up and move forward even if it hurts with all your soul. I loved someone so much it broke me. I gave her opportunity after opportunity to show me that she cared about me but she showed me that she cared more about herself.  So now, it is time for me to learn to love myself as much as I loved her. You are the most important person to love. You are the most important person that you have to care for. People will come and go in your life but you will always be there for yourself. You have to let go of those that especially hurt you. To much pain causes you to lose your self-worth. It is so, so hard but essential to your healing. I  am in a journey of healing and learning that it is okay to to let go. So today, I did something. I went to a reiki healing session and  I let go of the pain and hurt feelings that I have. I cut the ties I had with the person that I so loved and focused that energy on myself so that I can truly move on. I pray you can do the same and that you know you are not alone in your healing journey.

Challenges

 How many challenges can God give you before you snap? How many obstacles can you face before you give up? I wish I knew the answer. Lately,  I have been feeling like God is picking on me.  The challenges he is making me face seem so difficult. I try to keep faith. I try to keep a smile on my face but the truth is I am struggling. Everyday it feels like I am drowning.  I am barely keeping my head over water and just when I think I am safe, bam another thing hits me and tries to drown me.  Yet, I continue to fight because I am a warrior. Warriors do not give up even when the battle gets hard. One day I know this all will be worth it.

Exhaustion

Sometimes you just get tired. Tired of fighting so hard. You get tired of life hitting you in the face over and over again. It is okay to be exhausted. I think most of are but we just keep on moving forward. We keep moving, hoping, praying, that one day this exhaustion will be over. I know I keep on hoping that one day I will be less tired. I keep praying that one day I can finally feel rested. It's okay to be exhausted. It's part of life, just don't give up.

Life

When I first began my journey and this blog I was full of pain and anger. I was so angry at God for ruining what I thought was my perfect life. I started this blog to tell my story. I started this blog to express my feelings and to share with strangers a little piece of advice on what life has taught me. I don't know who reads this but I hope that you can feel my emotions. I hope that whoever reads this sees that even when life knocks you down you can be victorious. Even when life throws challenges at you and the world wants you to change who you are, you don't have too. You can continue to be kind even to those who hurt you. Life is hard there is no doubt about that but we are strong. We can overcome everything even if you sometimes fall apart.

Time

 Healing takes time. It seems like just yesterday that I began my journey to loving me. There has been very hard days. Days where I do not want to get up from bed. There has been days where I wonder will I ever be happy again. I wonder how much time it will take for my heart to feel full again. Some days I wake up thinking today is the day that I will no longer grief. The truth is that I don't know how much time it will take to heal. But I do know that one day I will be happy again. I know that one day I will look back and see the purpose in pain. Time heals. 

Forgiveness

 For a very long time I was full of anger. I was angry with God. I was angry with my ex. I was angry at the world. I felt that life was being cruel with me and I did not understand why. I've always been loving, compassionate, and caring. I would say that I care too much about others sometimes more than I care for me. I held on to this anger and it was consuming me. It was eating me alive to have anger in my heart.  Until one day I woke up and said to myself , "It's over!" Until one day I heard a small faint voice telling me to forgive, to heal. I learned that forgiving is about healing. If you forgive it doesn't mean that the event didn't happen or that it wasn't horrible, it just means that you choose to move forward. So, I forgave. I forgave my ex for leaving me in a hospital bed when I needed her compassion. I forgave the world and asked for forgiveness from God for being angry. I can tell you that forgiving has brought me great peace in my heart, Forgiving has me waking up every morning feeling like I am in control now. So, my advice to all of you is to forgive for your own healing.

Healing

 Healing takes time and patience. It isn't easy to let go of your past especially when it haunts you.  There are days when I wake up feeling like I am still missing a part of me. There are days where I wonder what she is doing and if she is ok. But God tells me to let go of my past and to have courage to move on. God tells me to move forward forgiving myself for what I have done wrong. I am healing because I can admit my faults. I am healing because I have accepted my mistakes and am working hard in making sure I do not make them again. I am healing because I still love and believe in goodness. My message today is that in order to heal you must first forgive yourself. Love yourself for the broken and dark person you are and you will see your heart begin to heal.