Challenges

 How many challenges can God give you before you snap? How many obstacles can you face before you give up? I wish I knew the answer. Lately,  I have been feeling like God is picking on me.  The challenges he is making me face seem so difficult. I try to keep faith. I try to keep a smile on my face but the truth is I am struggling. Everyday it feels like I am drowning.  I am barely keeping my head over water and just when I think I am safe, bam another thing hits me and tries to drown me.  Yet, I continue to fight because I am a warrior. Warriors do not give up even when the battle gets hard. One day I know this all will be worth it.

Life

Life can be so hard. One day you feel strong the next day you just want to stay in bed all day and eat ice-cream and cry. I have those days where I just want to sleep my life away. I have days where I don't know anymore why I even fight. Life is hard. You have to make a choice. You stay in that bed day after day or you get up and you fight. Fight not for anyone else but for yourself. I get on the treadmill and I run. I run so fast that my heart feels like it's going to pop out of my chest. I run hoping and praying that the hardships end. I can give you all this one advice. Life is always going to be hard. Life is always going to throw things at you that suck ass. You however, are in charge of what you want for yourself. Do you want to eat ice-cream all day in bed and cry? or do you want to fight the best fight?

Fight

 Sometimes you wake up and you wonder, “Is God picking on me?” You try to live life being kind and understanding, yet you’re the one who no one seems to understand. You listen, you are compassionate, you really care, yet it seems like you are the one always getting hurt. You wonder why do I always lose in this game of life. You wonder why do you get picked on by God. You ask yourself just for once can I get a break. For once can I win. The truth is life is hard and God chooses the strongest people for the hardest battles because he knows we can handle it. Yet, I am tired. I am tired of being the girl who everyone thinks is amazing yet everyone runs away from. I’m tired of doing things right to just end up hurt.  So I guess why I am trying to say is life is tough and you have a choice on who you become. You can be tired and bitter or tired and a fighter. I choose to keep on fighting until one day I win. 

Exhaustion

Sometimes you just get tired. Tired of fighting so hard. You get tired of life hitting you in the face over and over again. It is okay to be exhausted. I think most of are but we just keep on moving forward. We keep moving, hoping, praying, that one day this exhaustion will be over. I know I keep on hoping that one day I will be less tired. I keep praying that one day I can finally feel rested. It's okay to be exhausted. It's part of life, just don't give up.

Human

 Emotions are part of being human. You can't help having them. Sometimes you try very hard to block them because you are scared. Scared of being hurt and scared of seeming like you're too emotional, too needy, too much. The truth is that emotions make us human without them we simply would be robots. I guess I rather feel too much and get hurt than to feel nothing at all. 

Life

When I first began my journey and this blog I was full of pain and anger. I was so angry at God for ruining what I thought was my perfect life. I started this blog to tell my story. I started this blog to express my feelings and to share with strangers a little piece of advice on what life has taught me. I don't know who reads this but I hope that you can feel my emotions. I hope that whoever reads this sees that even when life knocks you down you can be victorious. Even when life throws challenges at you and the world wants you to change who you are, you don't have too. You can continue to be kind even to those who hurt you. Life is hard there is no doubt about that but we are strong. We can overcome everything even if you sometimes fall apart.

Chances

 Sometimes in life you take a chance. Something in your head tells you not to but your heart tells you do to it anyways. You take the chance and it doesn't work out. You're left with this feeling in your heart that feels like you should have just given up. But then you are reminded that this is life. Life is about chances. You will get heartbroken again and again and then one day, you will find that chance that was worth it. I choose to continue taking chances even though, I am scared. I choose to continue to taking chances until the right one finds its way to me. I am worthy and you are worthy of someone taking a chance on you like you take a chance on them. Everyone is this world has baggage that is hard to deal with. Everyone is a little broken. You just need to find that one broken person that is worth you taking a chance with. So, take a chance because you never know which one is worth it.

Time

 Healing takes time. It seems like just yesterday that I began my journey to loving me. There has been very hard days. Days where I do not want to get up from bed. There has been days where I wonder will I ever be happy again. I wonder how much time it will take for my heart to feel full again. Some days I wake up thinking today is the day that I will no longer grief. The truth is that I don't know how much time it will take to heal. But I do know that one day I will be happy again. I know that one day I will look back and see the purpose in pain. Time heals. 

Forgiveness

 For a very long time I was full of anger. I was angry with God. I was angry with my ex. I was angry at the world. I felt that life was being cruel with me and I did not understand why. I've always been loving, compassionate, and caring. I would say that I care too much about others sometimes more than I care for me. I held on to this anger and it was consuming me. It was eating me alive to have anger in my heart.  Until one day I woke up and said to myself , "It's over!" Until one day I heard a small faint voice telling me to forgive, to heal. I learned that forgiving is about healing. If you forgive it doesn't mean that the event didn't happen or that it wasn't horrible, it just means that you choose to move forward. So, I forgave. I forgave my ex for leaving me in a hospital bed when I needed her compassion. I forgave the world and asked for forgiveness from God for being angry. I can tell you that forgiving has brought me great peace in my heart, Forgiving has me waking up every morning feeling like I am in control now. So, my advice to all of you is to forgive for your own healing.

Healing

 Healing takes time and patience. It isn't easy to let go of your past especially when it haunts you.  There are days when I wake up feeling like I am still missing a part of me. There are days where I wonder what she is doing and if she is ok. But God tells me to let go of my past and to have courage to move on. God tells me to move forward forgiving myself for what I have done wrong. I am healing because I can admit my faults. I am healing because I have accepted my mistakes and am working hard in making sure I do not make them again. I am healing because I still love and believe in goodness. My message today is that in order to heal you must first forgive yourself. Love yourself for the broken and dark person you are and you will see your heart begin to heal.

Dating

Dating is so scary. I don't even know where to start. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever find someone again. I wonder if God is listening to my prayers of what I want. God I ask, " Are you listening because you have send me some very unusual dates." Date 1, tells me I am too good for her. Date 2, tells me that I am weak after spending many days talking about life and making a connection. Date 3, just wasn't interested in me. It is hard to not feel like I am being picked on. But I am not losing hope. I can hear God saying, " Trust me she is coming." My message to you is to have patience and faith. In the meanwhile, I will keep working on myself in becoming stronger.