Doubt

I laid on the rug with Mia my dog looking up at the ceiling of my apartment. Doubt came to overcome me. What if I will never be good enough? What if God is wrong? What if what I am hearing is what I want to hear? What if he really isn't here listening? I began to get teary eyed and my heart began to beat fast. I felt like I couldn't get up from the floor and I became a small ball, afraid and alone. I fell asleep on the rug filled with doubt.

I fell asleep feeling like I could't be the warrior God wanted, when all of the sudden my phone ran. I woke up  to the loud sound of the phone. I reached out and grabbed it. It was God who had send my two prayer group friends to call me. God knew I was struggling, he woke me up. "Lets pray," my two friends said. I quickly fell on my knees and prayed. I prayed and all my doubts went away. I felt strong again. I felt capable.

God told me to do something yesterday I didn't want and that filled me with doubt. First he told me to sing for him knowing she would be there. Then he told me to tell her I loved her and forgave her for all the pain. He asked me to ask her to forgive me as well. That filled me with great doubt. What if she thinks I am weak? What if she thinks I am lying? What if she thinks I am crazy because I am hearing the voice of God? What if she doesn't love me back? All these doubts caused me to ignore the voice of God for awhile until he brought me back once more.

Sometimes you will be filled with doubt but you need to fight that and continue to listen. The what ifs in life get you no where. Another thing I learned is that God will put the right people in your life to help you through your struggles, you just need to be opened to letting new people in your life. People that believe in you and people who push you to have faith in God.